Be My Friend

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Hey, Nerd!

Oh, God. I’m so lonely. Just a lonesome little writer in a cold, indifferent world.

I guess there’s no hope for me. Nothing that can be done.

OR IS THERE?!

(Yes)

WHAT?!

(Just carry on reading, we’re getting to it!)

THANK YOU, VOICE IN MY HEAD.

‘Like’ me on Facebook

Your Mum is probably on Facebook. And your Aunty; she’s sharing slightly dodgy posts about people of other cultures. Well I’m on there, too! ( Offering almost NO racism whatsoever. Sorry.)

Follow the heck out of me on Twitter

At first I thought Twitter was STUPID. Now I’m on there all the time. So maybe it isn’t stupid. Or I’m stupid. Look, SOMEONE is stupid, alright? Follow me, follow you.

Hop aboard my Mailing List

Ooh, I would consider us super best pals if you signed up for this. The kind of pals that would help each other move house!

(I WILL NOT HELP YOU MOVE HOUSE)

(I’M, UH, PROBABLY BUSY THAT DAY…)

(WHAT DAY WAS IT…? AH! YUP, DEFINITELY BUSY THAT DAY, DOING…. A THING. OF SOME BELIEVABLE DESCRIPTION.)

Be my friend. Be my pal. Oh, sweet holy Space Jesus and Moon Moses, please let us connect…!

(WIPES SWEAT FROM BROW)

So many ways to stay in touch. To be friends. To stalk each other. What a wonderful age to be alive!

That’s it.

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